A Visit to Nate's Memorial

I had been trying to get to Nate's memorial for a few days now and I just couldn't. I would get halfway there and start crying and shaking and I'd have to turn around. I knew I had to go and do something...see where he took his last breath...see where it happened...see if maybe I could channel something. So I decided that I would visit yesterday.
On the way there I got nauseous, anxious, started crying, was happy all of a sudden, started to shake and felt dizzy. What if I didn't want to see the skid marks on the road? What if I wasn't ready to feel the energy that was there? I distracted myself with the Oldies station and kept going, stopping only to get multi - colour daisies.
Why multi - colour daisies? Because! Nate was a colourful person! I watched him evolve from super hardcore religious to Marylin Manson kid to rockabilly guy and everything else in between - including multiple colourful hairstyles. Also, I knew that if Nate had been watching me pick the flowers, he would have blushed over the colourfulness of them. They're not manly AT ALL. But they are a nice contrast to the black roses that Alysia placed there and I felt that they spoke to his vibrant personality.
I hope you like them, Nate!





I'd like to do something else for his memorial, though. Something...grand maybe? We'll see who else wants to do it with me.

Love,
Katzi
S.L.Y.A.S.D.I.

Smell Blind!

Alysia's story reminded me of this one...
Last year in around June, I went to New York to attend the Baptism of my Goddaughter and her sister. When I came back, I was sick. It seems like I always get sick when I come back from New York... Anyway, it was a 2 week long sinus infection that was pretty bad and when I got over it, I hadn't realized that I had some form of Hyposmia or possibly Anosmia . I thought that my sinuses were still blocked but no. My nasal passages were clear, I just couldn't smell a thing! Freaked out, I looked up everything I could on Anosmia and got really, really scared. The dangers were crazy! What if there was a fire? What if there was a gas leak? What if my food was burning? What if I over season my food? What if...???? All these things that I had never really thought about, I was freaking out about!
My BF thought it was funny (at times) and I came to get used to it. Then, we watched Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story and if you've seen that movie, you know that Dewey becomes smell blind! It was the most hilarious thing ever, so I started using that when I was describing my condition to my friends. After a while, I was tired of explaining that I got "smell blind" from Walk Hard because not everyone had seen it at the time, so I (sadly) dropped it.
Last year, I ran in to Nate and I ended up going over to his house after a night of partying with my friends. We started talking and he said something to the effect of "Sorry if it smells" or something like that and I said, "It's okay, I lost my sense of smell". His eyes lit up and he said, "You're smell blind?!" He had seen it! He had seen Walk Hard! He knew what I was talking about and I said, "Yes, I'm smell blind!" Then he started laughing like crazy and said, "You mean, I can fart and you can't smell it?!" and I said, "Yeah, I wouldn't be able to smell it at all" and he said, "Good because I just did and it's BAD" and we both laughed pretty hard.
I'll always remember that because Nate was the only other person (at the time) to know what I was talking about when I said I was "smell blind".

You can read this and other awesome Nate stories at Remember Nate.

Love,
Katzi
S.L.Y.A.S.D.I.

Wake Up!

A few months ago, I used to look forward to Monday mornings. I would wake up, check my phone and see at least 2 texts waiting for me. One was usually from around 5:30am and the other from around 6:15am - both saying the same message but it was written differently every time.
I would get "Wake up, sleepyhead!", "Good morning", "What's up?", "Good morning sunshine", "Hey!" or just "WAKE UP!" and that's how I would start my week.
We would text back and forth during my morning routine about random things: What we both did on the weekend, how work was for him the night before, what was on the agenda for the coming week and so on.
These conversations would continue well after I would get to work (at around 8am) and it would really impact my whole week. If I didn't get a morning text, especially during filming (the most stressful time of all for me), it would ruin my whole week!
After a while, the texts started backing off until they just weren't there anymore. I was going to start it back up again but I guess I waited too long. At least the old ones still live on my old phone...
I never got to tell you how much I appreciated that and how much it actually impacted my day. Thank you so much for that. It was a great way to start my week off right.

You can read this and other Nate stories at REMEMBER Nate as well.

Love,
Katzi
S.L.Y.A.S.D.I.

So Long and Good Night

I didn't know what to expect on Sunday evening at 6pm. I wasn't sure what I wanted to see. I know I wanted to see old friends and seek comfort in them - which I did very much so. I know I wanted to believe it wasn't real but he was right there. I was too scared and in shock to say a proper good bye right then and there but I managed to mumble a prayer before we sat down to pay our respects.
I held it together as best as I could in the presence of friends and loved ones but once I arrived at my Mom's house, I just couldn't hold back any longer. I knew it was my duty to go to the funeral service the next day.
So, on my way to see my Dad before he left I was looking for some music to ease my mind. I put in my favourite mixes but they just weren't good enough. I picked up a random CD I had made months ago and put it in, forgetting what was on it - the face was a sea of red sharpie cursive. It started okay but something compelled me to let track 4 play. I was glad I did. The melody was enough to comfort me but when I started hearing the lyrics, I got tears in my eyes.
With that song playing, I drove through the appropriate stormy weather to the funeral yesterday and got all caught up that I forgot my jacket and almost forgot my umbrella. To take my mid off of the actuality of it all, I pictured the Helena video in all its stylishness and beauty and pictured the choreography and I imagined my friends (who would be the pallbearers) walking through the rain while dancers followed them with the coffin to the hearse - a celebration of the life lived by the deceased.
But that didn't happen. The rain poured. And there we stood in it after the beautiful service.
So long and good night
Nate's sister told us, on Sunday, she wanted to get more of an investigation into his accident and it turns out that Fox 5 came to interview her after his funeral so maybe that's the first step into the on-going investigation. We'll see.
May you rest in peace, my friend.

Love,
Katzi
S.L.Y.A.S.D.I.

At a loss for words

I can't get myself to write this on his wall: "To me, you were always a big guy with an even bigger heart. I'll miss you".
I refuse to believe that he's gone. I was going to surprise him at his job tomorrow as a post-birthday outing with my friends... I guess some things weren't meant to happen.
The news hasn't released his name as the fatality of the accident so there's some hope it's not him, right?
I can't do this.
He was supposed to take me for a motorcycle ride - my very first one. Ever.
We've been friends since 1995 - I've seen him evolve over time. I was even subjected to his damn Rockabilly phase - which happened right after his damn Marilyn Manson phase...
When a mutual friend sent me the news link, I cried. Hard. I'm at work. I can barely function right now. I'm a total wreck.
And I don't care that it's my birthday. I just don't want to believe it's true.
I can't bring myself to admit it. I just want to make sure. I've been watching the news clips over and over just to make it more real but it won't hit me until they release his name. I refuse to believe he was the 27 year old motorcyclist (even though I know full well that he lives in that area...).
If he really is gone, he can hear me. He can hear the sadness and disbelief we're all going through. I want some sort of sign. Something that just he and I will know - some sort of inside joke from high school or something...Something to let me know

Rest In Peace, Nate
Love,
Katzi
S.L.Y.A.S.D.I.

Happy Birthday to the GROUND!

It's my birthday today and I've been getting non-stop birthday wishes from family, friends and co-workers! Thanks everybody!!!
To celebrate this joyous occasion, I would like to dedicate a birthday song for today:
SNL's Digital Short: On The Ground.

First: Double D made me this card:



And then my BF said it on my FB page. Super LOLZebras!



Now I can't get the song out of my head, so I'd like to share it with all of you and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Love,
Katzi
S.L.Y.A.S.D.I.

Body Politik's fashion shoot

Lots of stuff happening over the weekend!
I forgot to mention that Body Politik had a photo shoot at B&W's house on Saturday and let me tell you, it was...a photo shoot.
Okay, okay...it was most definitely a photo shoot but with many a hilarious (and painful) happenings. Let's just say that I documented it with behind the scenes stills AND video (5 tapes worth!).
The make up was beautiful - it complemented the clothing nicely and it really helped to pull the story together.
Lala was kicking ass as the Director of the shoot. She was very hands-on with everyone and knew exactly what photos she wanted out of it. That's always good to have on-set: a Director who knows what they want. Although it was a very stressful, busy and eventful day, Lala was graceful with everyone, including little ole me.
I was stationed upstairs on the landing with a bird's eye view of the set (and a stealth camera on the floor next to the backdrop - which made for interesting tape changes for B). The models didn't really notice me upstairs in their field of view but I got some nice shots of them waving for me before they turned the "fierce-ness" on for the camera.
I would like to mention that I hand-dyed the red and yellow skirt myself.

It was actually more of a happy accident, really. I was trying to dye the same style of the neck wrap (that I knit just for the collection)

but the colours came out all wrong...for the neck wrap but they came out so right for the skirt! I'd like to say that I am the Queen of Happy Accidents - they seem to happen with me and I LOVE it!
I probably can't share anymore until the photos are properly released here but I can share a photo of the set:


That's all for now! Stay tuned for the behind-the-scenes shots AND video coming for you soon!!

Kisses,
Katzi
S.L.Y.A.S.D.I.