Danger Days: The True Life of an Atlanta Killjoy

I'd like to take this time now and admit something I'm not usually too open to admit to: I am a My Chemical Romance fan. Like, not just any fan - I'm a huge fan of the band and I have been for quite some time now. The reason I don't readily admit to it is because of the fans. That's right - the fans. Why? The same reason people won't admit they like Justin Beiber - his fans are crazy too. MCR fans are a special kind of crazy, though. We're loving and kind. We're thoughtful and we genuinely care about the music. And for most of us (including me), the band has saved our lives and for that, we are grateful for them. But, on Wednesday night at the MCR show at the Tabernacle, I saw the darker (and more immature) side of the fans.
Let me start by taking this all the way back to my first time seeing MCR. It was on their Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge tour. The show was happening at the Gwinnett Arena a few days after my birthday and I was stoked! I had found out about it last minute and I was still able to acquire 4 tickets to the show. My sister, brother and brother's then girlfriend joined me for my impromptu birthday celebration and we sang our hearts out at the very back of the arena. We took turns waving the shirt I had bought around our heads as we flailed, jumped, screamed and laughed throughout the entire show. I didn't think it would get any better! It was exhilarating. And even though I had only known the band for barely a year at that point, I knew they were amazing to behold.
Then The Black Parade came out. A theatrical and angsty record with a very beautiful message to everyone. This record really spoke to me. And one day a few years ago, it spoke to me louder than anyone or anything had ever done. I was conflicted with my job and the path my life was taking. It was becoming too much to bear. I won't go into too much detail but my iPod shuffled right on over to the opening track of The Black Parade: The End. Towards the end of the song, there's a sort of chant of "Save me". I came to and it was all clear. There was no need to take it all away. Then "Famous Last Words" shuffled on through and after that, "Welcome to the Black Parade" thundered in my car. I was a sobbing mess. What did this mean? Was I getting a new outlook on life? Yes, yes I was. I felt like my whole world was made right again and I was on the fast track to recovery. No more CoDA meetings, no more self-harm, no more bullshit - just life. It was a whole new world. And in that new world, came my new appreciation for MCR - the band who unknowingly had saved my life. Up until that moment, I had heard various fans say that MCR had saved their lives and it all sounded so silly to me. Almost comical. Until it happened to me. I know this sounds terribly cliche but it's true - My Chemical Romance had truly saved my life.
I went to see them on their Black Parade tour with this newfound clarity and the show was like a religious experience. They had graced the Gwinnett Arena with their presence once again and instead of being in the back, I was front row, on the barricade with bruised ribs and on the verge of fainting from the heat from the flames shooting out of their flame throwers combined with the body heat of thousands of fans all around me. I was almost close enough to touch the band. It was a spiritual high. And I wanted it again. Little did I know, MCR wouldn't come back to Atlanta for another few years. And when the World Contamination Tour tickets were announced, I was logged in and ordering the minute they went on sale. I wanted the high again. I wanted to be in the positive energy I had felt years before...
The night finally came. I was decked out in my Killjoy gear (as seen on my not-so-secret-anymore Killjoy tumblr), waiting in line. I should've known then that it was going to be a strange show. I was surrounded by kids and their parents. Not a big deal. But it became a very big deal once we got inside.
I ran up to the front of the stage as close as I could get - hoping for a taste of the high I had felt before but instead, I was surrounded by kids and their parents. There were two girls behind me screaming for no reason and they made fun of me for putting my ear plugs in. I let that go. There was a mother next to me who had come with her sons (I'm guessing). One of her sons was a few people in front of us, the other was getting groped by his girlfriend directly in front of us (um...whatever happened to respect???) and the other was awkwardly talking to the screaming girls behind me. Things started to get really weird when these 3 taller guys happened to squeeze their way slightly in front of us. I didn't really care but the girls behind me and the awkward kid next to me were really pissed off. And so was everyone behind us, apparently. But I tried to ignore it and enjoy myself.
The Architects played a wonderful set and I was really blown away at their performance. Not many people were, though, which is unfortunate. I understand that a majority of the people there that night were there for MCR and MCR only but I didn't get how the people behind me were totally trashing The Architects and even Thursday - who I will say was pretty good since the last time I saw them a million years ago. But I couldn't really enjoy Thursday like I wanted to because I was too preoccupied with the thought of staying on the floor and getting totally crushed by an enraged crowd or moving to the back to actually enjoy myself.
I debated it for the whole of Thursday's set. I had made it that far, could I possibly make my way to the front without incident? No way. The girls behind me and the awkward kid were unbearable at this point. The poor girl I kept getting pushed into was getting mad at me for pushing her when it was totally out of my control. I couldn't take it. I made the split decision to leave. It wasn't worth the pushing and shoving. Mind you, I am very aware of the rules of a show and I understand the whole general admission thing - trust me, I do - but this was embarrassing. I pushed and shoved my way out and with every person I cleared, a wave of people rushed to get my spot. It was a wreck. A total and complete wreck. People were purposefully stepping on my feet and using me to push others out of the way. I have NEVER EVER felt that kind of aggression before and ANY show - and I've been to quite a few crazy shows in my day - but I will say that this crowd was fucking insane. Not only did the crowd not have any kind of respect for The Architects or Thursday, but they didn't have any respect for each other which is one thing Gerard makes a point to mention at every show I've seen MCR play. He always says, "No matter what's going on, you stop and help your fellow fans (in this case, Killjoys")". I made it up to the third balcony of the Tabernacle and I didn't really see what was going on but I heard that people were being trampled and pulled out left and right non-stop. Craziness.
From my vantage point, I felt alive. Although I wasn't front and center like I had been earlier in the night, I was free. Free to sing my heart out, free to flail and dance about without the fear of hurting someone, free to fucking enjoy myself. Not to mention free to take videos for my brother who couldn't join me that night.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one with a problem that night and I feel very comforted knowing that.
Hopefully MCR will return to Atlanta soon (like they did after the Black Parade tour with something like Project Revolution) and maybe this time, the fans will be more grateful. I hate to sound like a crotchety old person but really, MCR fans, some of you just don't get it.
Until next time...
Killjoys make some noise
Katzi
S.L.Y.A.S.D.I.

Date night - ruined

A few years ago, my old man and I used to go to the movies. A LOT. Like, at least 3 times a month (which is a lot for me). In my constant quest for spontaneity, I suggested we go to the movies. Yeah, real spontaneous, I know...but it counted as something slightly different for us on a Saturday night.
We visited our old friend - the movie theater dubbed "The Purple Monster" by our friend Courtney, and saw Your Highness. Yes, full of stoner jokes and as much Danny McBride as you can shake a stick at, Your Highness would probably have been better if we were high. Natalie Portman's lack of clothing at some parts surprised me (especially coming from her) but I'm pretty sure a majority of those shots were filled in by a body double (no surprise there). James Franco was particularly dreamy as Fabious, his long locks flowing in the wind and rippling muscles straining against his costumes...he was pretty hot. Justin Theroux was a nice surprise as well. I had no idea he was in the movie until I saw his name in the (well-executed) opening credits and let out a girlish squeal.
The movie was quite entertaining but there was one thing I didn't particularly enjoy at this theater...
The old man and I got to the theater quite early (for the 10pm show) and took our seats. We were the only ones in the entire theater for about 20 minutes, then a few couples trickled in here and there but they sat pretty far away from us - we like to sit dead center (just like most everyone does) and no one was really in our way. Until one final couple showed up and sat right behind us. No big deal, right? WRONG. Not only were these Ed Hardy wearing jerks noisy (they had really loud buckles on their clothes for some reason), but they decided it would be all right to put their feet up on the chairs next to me and my old man. Normally, I like to put my feet up on the chairs in front of me at the movies but only if there's no one in them or around them because that is just plain rude but I turned to face my old man and right next to his ear were a pair of douchey Ed Hardy slip-ons. I hesitated to turn my head to see what was awaiting me on my side but I turned anyway to see fucking BARE FEET. GROSS. WHAT THE FUCK? Have manners just completely gone out the window? What makes it okay to fucking do that? I wanted to say something but I figured my old man would do it. Avoiding confrontation the way he does, he didn't. Irritated, I took the passive aggressive approach (since the direct approach always gets us into trouble and usually embarrasses my old man) and squirmed to the point of leaning over to where her feet were and she took them down. But not for too long. The second time she put her feet up, I glared back at her and mouthed the words "What the fuck" but she didn't care. My old man and I hadn't been to the movies in forever and I didn't want to ruin it even more than it already had been by exchaning words with the inconsiderate couple. Who knows, maybe the guy in that relationship would've stepped in to squash the argument between me and his lady friend but I know my old man doesn't really have a confrontational bone in his body. It could've turned ugly quick - which is sad because we're adults and we need to respect each other - especially if we're trying to watch a movie and don't like the smell of feet next to us. Thankfully they left the movie 10 minutes early. If I had opened the box of Skittles in my purse, I would've thrown some at the inconsiderate couple. OR I would've taken a page out of Jonah's playbook. Jonah was a kid I knew for a brief period of time in high school. He was kind of a dick but I think he was trying to be like his even bigger dick of a brother. One night, Jonah was taking me and another friend home when he asked for some gum. I gave him some, watched him chew it and then throw it into a Jeep Wrangler. I thought that was the end of it but I was wrong. He took another piece and threw it into the Jeep again. Normally, I would've enjoyed a little stunt like that but this time, I was pissed off since the guy driving the Jeep decided to follow us to MY house.
Aaaaaaanyways...what I'm getting at is that if I was in the mood for a fight and if I had known the inconsiderate couple was leaving early, I would've chewed some gum and thrown it into the chick's rat's nest of hair. Oh well. Missed opportunities. Shoulda, woulda, coulda.
Maybe next time I'll say something - fight or no fight. I'm tired of all this passive aggression when people aren't trying to make the effort to respect each other. It makes me very upset.

Love and kisses,
Katzi
S.L.Y.A.S.D.I

A few words on feeling inferior in the workplace...

Today is not a good day. No, it isn't. I was talking with a co-worker of mine about apprenticeships. I'd love love LOVE to be the apprentice of a wonderful, reputable editor and / or motion graphics artist but there's one problem: most of them think they're superior to the rest of us. Now I'm not saying ALL of them are like that but they can get a little patronizing.
Yes, I know what After Effects is and no, I don't use it to its full potential and neither do you.
Yes, I have worked on Avid before (granted it was only DV Xpress but Avid is still Avid) and yes, I work on Final Cut Pro now but that doesn't make me any less of an editor.
I know that the job I'm in now doesn't really let me have my full range of creativity but I make it work. I graduated college in 2001 and A LOT has changed in the post-world. But I have two things working against me that have been a major issue since the dawn of man: 1) I'm a minority and 2) I'm a woman.
So, working in a predominately male field was going to be a challenge from the start. I knew that when I had to teach myself tape-to-tape editing in my freshman year of high school (since no one would help me). But in high school, many people took video classes for the semi-easy A (or to make Quentin Tarantino-style shorts). I took it because I genuinely liked it. In fact, I liked it so much that I went to college for it.
In college, I met great friends. I rounded out a group of friends by being the "token" girl and the "token" minority all in one! And we made hilarious (Wes Anderson-style) shorts. But I noticed there was one small problem: I didn't really get to do anything technical.
I've always wanted to be an editor. Especially after I found out about Avid. Shit, even Media 100! Editing is, like, my dream job. Taking the chaos that comes with filming and putting it into a nice, pretty, entertaining order. I didn't really get a chance to do that in college. And the few projects I was able to got very weird reception.
My projects are strange, yes, but I've always loved film/video as an art form. When I had my first After Effects class, I freaked out.
After Effects is amazing! You can do so much with it! I love it! And if you've never used it before but you know Photoshop, it's easy as pie - for the basics. After you've mastered the basics, the possibilities are endless!
My knowledge with After Effects is fairly basic. When I do complicated things, I take the "long way" - I keyframe for days and days because I like that part. I enjoy the convinience of the Animation Presets but I prefer the tediousness of keyframing. It gets a little frustrating now and then but so what?! It's YOUR creation. Your own, personal creation with your own little quirks and things. That's what I enjoy.
Every once in a while, I get asked about it and I end up teaching someone the basics. Just the bare bones minimal. No problem there. But many times after that, they all think I'm some sort of idiot and they've surpassed me in After Effects knowledge - which makes them superior to me in every way. It's not just After Effects (or FCP, for that matter) - it could be anything. I took a Deko class just for the company I was working for with 4 other employees. We all learned the same material at the same time and I was given the task of maintaining the Deko machine. For some reason, one person in that group thought he was superior to me (with seniority yeah, sure) but little did he know that I would have to go back and fix his errors from Thursday night on my Friday house-keeping day. Every fucking Friday.
And sure, I was outside of "post-world" for a loooooong time and it's taken some getting used to but, dammit, I'm still fucking awesome at FCP. And I may not use the animation presets in After Effects but, dammit, I still get the mother fucking job done.
So where is this leading? When my friend and I were talking about apprenticeships, I told her that a lot of the "masters" in my field (in every other field, too, I'm sure) is kind of a dick - especially if you're a woman. The attitude always seems like, "Hey you crazy lady, what are you doing out of the kitchen?" Oh fuck no! There is no excuse for that sad, sorry attitude anymore. And what's funny is is that the company I work for now is predominately women! But since I'm the only editor on staff, they've had to out-source. No problems there - except one place where I felt inferior to all the men that do the same things I do except this time, I was telling them what to do as the "producer" of sorts. No problem there, I enjoy bossing people around in my own way, but there was an undertone that reeked of lack of respect. Like I wasn't a good enough editor so they had to pass it off to "real" editors. Fuck that! My bosses didn't realize that the amount of work they have is too much for one person to do alone (7 1 hour+ DVDs to edit and author PLUS in-house online only content and inter-office training sessions, etc). So, the bulk of it was passed off to a post house and the inter-office stuff lands on me. And there's plenty to do. But I just can't shake the lack of respect I'm getting as of late.
When we film for our DVDs, I'm in charge. The in-house folks ask me questions and they ask me my professional opinion. That part makes me feel validated and confident. But when someone comes up behind me and re-words what I say to make it sound like it was their idea, I really fucking hate that shit. Don't argue with me over something that will end up helping you in the end. It really knocks me down and makes me start to wonder if I even picked the right field. But discrimination and bullying like that is everywhere - no matter where you look, even outside the work place.
What people don't realize is that it is a form of bullying. Yeah - high school bullying. It's all petty and shit and I shouldn't let it get to me but it does because at the core, it still fucking hurts. It hurts to be undermined, it hurts when you patronize me, it hurts when you take my fucking ideas as your own, it hurts when you fucking treat me like shit, it hurts when you make me feel inferior and it hurts when you don't respect me.
I love everything about post production but I hate the attitude of the people around me. And it's not as easy as "If you can't beat them, join them" because that's not right. Post production is teamwork. If you can't respect your team, then why do you do it? I have 1000% respect for my "old" team. We have eachothers' backs. We don't pick on one another if we need help somewhere. In fact, we're not too proud to ask for help - we help each other out. But now, I feel like it's being thrown off balance because this lack of respect thing has gone on far enough. I mean, I am fucking turning 30 this year and I'm still dealing with the same kind of discrimination that I was dealing with in elementary, middle and high school. I thought that shit was over and done with but I guess some people just can't grow up.

< / rant >

Sorry for the rant, I just had to put this out somewhere.
Thank you

Love,
Katzi
S.L.Y.A.S.D.I.

PS - This was SLYASDI's 100th blog post! Wowzers meowzers!