In my last post, I talked about my resolution to lose weight. Why is it so important to me?
Well, a few years ago, my Dad took me out to a nice lunch and proceeded to tell me that he would help me find a weight loss program to be on while he was away in Iraq. It sounds mean and I took it the wrong way, as I would, and even though we worked it out and I ended up on a diet program that didn't really work for me, mentally and emotionally, I did it for 3 months before deciding to stop it.
It was taking an emotional toll on me. I know that sounds like an excuse or something but it really did take a toll on me. I was hungry all the time and I wasn't exactly advertising that I was on a diet at work because I feared extreme judgement from my coworkers. They can't be that cruel - but they do make jokes about 114lbs being "huge". Ouch.
I felt withdrawn. It was almost like I was grounded. I felt like a bad kid constantly being in trouble and it was awful. Yes, I was losing weight but I felt miserable emotionally. I hated feeling that way and after pleading with my Dad in very emotional emails, we cancelled it.
There were a few upsides to it, though. I learned how to eat healthier and I thought I was making better choices. I also learned what I like and don't like as far as cooking goes.
But I was still gaining weight.
A few weeks ago, I had a dream. I dreamt that I received a wedding invitation to a wedding in Montana. There was a note inside from the bride-to-be telling me to get down to a size 10 by March. How specific. And you would think that I would be upset by this in the dream and waking up but, surprisingly, I was very calm. In the dream, I achieved my goal by getting down to a size 8 - what what! - and everyone was impressed. When I woke up, I had a very Barney Stinson moment
And I proceeded to tell my friend (and coworker) my goal - just for the sake of getting out into the Universe. I'm hoping that even though I'm feeling discouraged because of my weight GAIN, I don't lose momentum. In fact, I have made another deal with myself - which will remain secret because it's very personal - and I'm hoping I can make good on it very, very soon.
Onward and upward!