Wednesday, October 21, 2009

A Visit to Nate's Memorial

I had been trying to get to Nate's memorial for a few days now and I just couldn't. I would get halfway there and start crying and shaking and I'd have to turn around. I knew I had to go and do something...see where he took his last breath...see where it happened...see if maybe I could channel something. So I decided that I would visit yesterday.
On the way there I got nauseous, anxious, started crying, was happy all of a sudden, started to shake and felt dizzy. What if I didn't want to see the skid marks on the road? What if I wasn't ready to feel the energy that was there? I distracted myself with the Oldies station and kept going, stopping only to get multi - colour daisies.
Why multi - colour daisies? Because! Nate was a colourful person! I watched him evolve from super hardcore religious to Marylin Manson kid to rockabilly guy and everything else in between - including multiple colourful hairstyles. Also, I knew that if Nate had been watching me pick the flowers, he would have blushed over the colourfulness of them. They're not manly AT ALL. But they are a nice contrast to the black roses that Alysia placed there and I felt that they spoke to his vibrant personality.
I hope you like them, Nate!

I'd like to do something else for his memorial, though. Something...grand maybe? We'll see who else wants to do it with me.


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Smell Blind!

Alysia's story reminded me of this one...
Last year in around June, I went to New York to attend the Baptism of my Goddaughter and her sister. When I came back, I was sick. It seems like I always get sick when I come back from New York... Anyway, it was a 2 week long sinus infection that was pretty bad and when I got over it, I hadn't realized that I had some form of Hyposmia or possibly Anosmia . I thought that my sinuses were still blocked but no. My nasal passages were clear, I just couldn't smell a thing! Freaked out, I looked up everything I could on Anosmia and got really, really scared. The dangers were crazy! What if there was a fire? What if there was a gas leak? What if my food was burning? What if I over season my food? What if...???? All these things that I had never really thought about, I was freaking out about!
My BF thought it was funny (at times) and I came to get used to it. Then, we watched Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story and if you've seen that movie, you know that Dewey becomes smell blind! It was the most hilarious thing ever, so I started using that when I was describing my condition to my friends. After a while, I was tired of explaining that I got "smell blind" from Walk Hard because not everyone had seen it at the time, so I (sadly) dropped it.
Last year, I ran in to Nate and I ended up going over to his house after a night of partying with my friends. We started talking and he said something to the effect of "Sorry if it smells" or something like that and I said, "It's okay, I lost my sense of smell". His eyes lit up and he said, "You're smell blind?!" He had seen it! He had seen Walk Hard! He knew what I was talking about and I said, "Yes, I'm smell blind!" Then he started laughing like crazy and said, "You mean, I can fart and you can't smell it?!" and I said, "Yeah, I wouldn't be able to smell it at all" and he said, "Good because I just did and it's BAD" and we both laughed pretty hard.
I'll always remember that because Nate was the only other person (at the time) to know what I was talking about when I said I was "smell blind".

You can read this and other awesome Nate stories at Remember Nate.


Thursday, October 15, 2009

Wake Up!

A few months ago, I used to look forward to Monday mornings. I would wake up, check my phone and see at least 2 texts waiting for me. One was usually from around 5:30am and the other from around 6:15am - both saying the same message but it was written differently every time.
I would get "Wake up, sleepyhead!", "Good morning", "What's up?", "Good morning sunshine", "Hey!" or just "WAKE UP!" and that's how I would start my week.
We would text back and forth during my morning routine about random things: What we both did on the weekend, how work was for him the night before, what was on the agenda for the coming week and so on.
These conversations would continue well after I would get to work (at around 8am) and it would really impact my whole week. If I didn't get a morning text, especially during filming (the most stressful time of all for me), it would ruin my whole week!
After a while, the texts started backing off until they just weren't there anymore. I was going to start it back up again but I guess I waited too long. At least the old ones still live on my old phone...
I never got to tell you how much I appreciated that and how much it actually impacted my day. Thank you so much for that. It was a great way to start my week off right.

You can read this and other Nate stories at REMEMBER Nate as well.


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

So Long and Good Night

I didn't know what to expect on Sunday evening at 6pm. I wasn't sure what I wanted to see. I know I wanted to see old friends and seek comfort in them - which I did very much so. I know I wanted to believe it wasn't real but he was right there. I was too scared and in shock to say a proper good bye right then and there but I managed to mumble a prayer before we sat down to pay our respects.
I held it together as best as I could in the presence of friends and loved ones but once I arrived at my Mom's house, I just couldn't hold back any longer. I knew it was my duty to go to the funeral service the next day.
So, on my way to see my Dad before he left I was looking for some music to ease my mind. I put in my favourite mixes but they just weren't good enough. I picked up a random CD I had made months ago and put it in, forgetting what was on it - the face was a sea of red sharpie cursive. It started okay but something compelled me to let track 4 play. I was glad I did. The melody was enough to comfort me but when I started hearing the lyrics, I got tears in my eyes.
With that song playing, I drove through the appropriate stormy weather to the funeral yesterday and got all caught up that I forgot my jacket and almost forgot my umbrella. To take my mid off of the actuality of it all, I pictured the Helena video in all its stylishness and beauty and pictured the choreography and I imagined my friends (who would be the pallbearers) walking through the rain while dancers followed them with the coffin to the hearse - a celebration of the life lived by the deceased.
But that didn't happen. The rain poured. And there we stood in it after the beautiful service.
So long and good night
Nate's sister told us, on Sunday, she wanted to get more of an investigation into his accident and it turns out that Fox 5 came to interview her after his funeral so maybe that's the first step into the on-going investigation. We'll see.
May you rest in peace, my friend.


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

At a loss for words

I can't get myself to write this on his wall: "To me, you were always a big guy with an even bigger heart. I'll miss you".
I refuse to believe that he's gone. I was going to surprise him at his job tomorrow as a post-birthday outing with my friends... I guess some things weren't meant to happen.
The news hasn't released his name as the fatality of the accident so there's some hope it's not him, right?
I can't do this.
He was supposed to take me for a motorcycle ride - my very first one. Ever.
We've been friends since 1995 - I've seen him evolve over time. I was even subjected to his damn Rockabilly phase - which happened right after his damn Marilyn Manson phase...
When a mutual friend sent me the news link, I cried. Hard. I'm at work. I can barely function right now. I'm a total wreck.
And I don't care that it's my birthday. I just don't want to believe it's true.
I can't bring myself to admit it. I just want to make sure. I've been watching the news clips over and over just to make it more real but it won't hit me until they release his name. I refuse to believe he was the 27 year old motorcyclist (even though I know full well that he lives in that area...).
If he really is gone, he can hear me. He can hear the sadness and disbelief we're all going through. I want some sort of sign. Something that just he and I will know - some sort of inside joke from high school or something...Something to let me know

Rest In Peace, Nate

Happy Birthday to the GROUND!

It's my birthday today and I've been getting non-stop birthday wishes from family, friends and co-workers! Thanks everybody!!!
To celebrate this joyous occasion, I would like to dedicate a birthday song for today:
SNL's Digital Short: On The Ground.

First: Double D made me this card:

And then my BF said it on my FB page. Super LOLZebras!

Now I can't get the song out of my head, so I'd like to share it with all of you and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!


Monday, October 5, 2009

Body Politik's fashion shoot

Lots of stuff happening over the weekend!
I forgot to mention that Body Politik had a photo shoot at B&W's house on Saturday and let me tell you, it was...a photo shoot.
Okay, was most definitely a photo shoot but with many a hilarious (and painful) happenings. Let's just say that I documented it with behind the scenes stills AND video (5 tapes worth!).
The make up was beautiful - it complemented the clothing nicely and it really helped to pull the story together.
Lala was kicking ass as the Director of the shoot. She was very hands-on with everyone and knew exactly what photos she wanted out of it. That's always good to have on-set: a Director who knows what they want. Although it was a very stressful, busy and eventful day, Lala was graceful with everyone, including little ole me.
I was stationed upstairs on the landing with a bird's eye view of the set (and a stealth camera on the floor next to the backdrop - which made for interesting tape changes for B). The models didn't really notice me upstairs in their field of view but I got some nice shots of them waving for me before they turned the "fierce-ness" on for the camera.
I would like to mention that I hand-dyed the red and yellow skirt myself.

It was actually more of a happy accident, really. I was trying to dye the same style of the neck wrap (that I knit just for the collection)

but the colours came out all wrong...for the neck wrap but they came out so right for the skirt! I'd like to say that I am the Queen of Happy Accidents - they seem to happen with me and I LOVE it!
I probably can't share anymore until the photos are properly released here but I can share a photo of the set:

That's all for now! Stay tuned for the behind-the-scenes shots AND video coming for you soon!!


Halloween 2K9

In 2006, my niece/Goddaughter came for Halloween / her Grandma's birthday and she had never been trick-or-treating before. Of course, being 4 years old and living in Brooklyn doesn't really give much opportunity to go trick-or-treating just yet. But we took her around the friendly subdivision my Mom lives in for her first time.
Costumes (2k6):
The little one was Thomas the Tank Engine - her favourite character at the time
The Sisters: well, we were a mash of trashy dresses, make up and hairspray (see below)

Not only were we a sea of hairspray and neon make up, but we also had some cheesy music (courtesy of my old Samsung) and we...danced.
We danced our hearts out at the end of driveways while the Little One walked up and rang the doorbell to get candy. And let's not forget while we danced, Oni sprayed enough Aquanet to burn another hole in the ozone right above Georgia...
This year is a different story. A certain someone (me) is going to visit for Halloween this year and me and Vee had our costumes all planned out. We were going as the ladies of the SNL skit "Biker Chick Chat" (the one where the f-bomb was dropped causing all the hoopla that was unnecessary) but the Little One had other plans: our costumes were assigned to us by her.
Costumes (2k9):
Little One: A dragon, Vee: Fairy, Me: Witch, Little One's Dad: Knight, Cousin: Vampire (My ideal costume!!! LOLZ), Little One's Little Sis: Princess.
What were the rules? Basically, anyone who wants to join us has to be part of the theme.
Biker Chicks, out. But not entirely. Me and Vee will take our own creative lisence and apply the trashiness of the hair and make up (plus a few other things) and apply them directly to our costumes. Don't fairies have wacky make up? Yep, they certainly do. Can't witches be sparkly and glam? They surely can AND it's all part of the collective look! Nice!

So, I was wondering what the Little One's dragon costume might look like and this is what she wants:

Pretty damn fierce if you ask me! This Halloween is going to ROCK!!


Morbid Monday: Death in dreams

"To sleep, perchance to dream", the famous line from Shakespeare's Hamlet.
That particular quote is from the even more famous "To be or not to be" soliloquy delivered by Hamlet himself: "For in that sleep of death what dreams may come / When we have shuffled off this mortal coil / Must give us pause". This quote is about death: suicide in particular, of course. Why is it so important to me? Because of its meaning of death.
Hamlet's speech haunted me after my nightmare the other night. I awoke on Saturday morning, crying hysterically. Why? I was eulogizing at my friends' funeral. A dream of a rather violent death of a friend with me powerless to stop it. What did it all mean?
Usually with dreams, you take the literal approach: death in a dream means death in real life. But not so. I told my Mom about this dream and she asked "Is there a wedding that you might be going to?" A wedding? How did she know I will be attending a wedding this weekend?
Here is one interpretation of death in a dream. This one eases my mind a little.
But why all the violence? I wanted to jump out of bed and call Double D right away to make sure he was all right but my BF stopped me since it was 4am PDT. Turns out he was awake at that time and when I called him later that day, I'm sure I spooked him with all the "death talk"...
But there was one reoccurring theme in the dream: I made sure everyone knew that I cared for Double D deeply in life (and death) and that our friendship ran deeper than friends - he was more like a family member.
So, does the intensity of the dream signify the intensity of the marriage I will witness? Or does it mean that the dream is not referencing the marriage I'm thinking of (between long-time cutest couple ever Jen & Nick) or is it referencing another marriage that was supposed to have taken place a few weeks ago but was terminated due to certain circumstances (hence the violence and the significance of the Hamlet quote)? I cannot be certain but you just never know...


Saturday, October 3, 2009

Padma Preggers

It's bird! It's a plane! It' s a mock stab wound!
No it's Preggers Padma!
Not to be fooled for an instant by Padma's disturbing fashion sense, we as the fans are onto her! We all knew it was a matter of time before the Far East debutante would reveal herself to be the hot pot of spicy curry that she is. Mum's the word on the father - perhaps Padma herself needs time to recall the warm fuzzy nights of Salman Rushdie Satanic Maitai drinks. Or perhaps the old geezer just watched as she devoured the local boys. They are divorcees, afterall.
Perhaps the tiny package she is carrying is more threatening than a buttery piece of baking naan, with Padma's genetics it could very well be the anti-christ of Top Chef, or worse, Kojak emulating Tom Colicchio's spawn. Who knows? Apparently not Padma.
With so many knife-packing contestants, Padma certainly had her pick of the litter. Regardless, this occidental pregnancy is more than a panel of ravenous judges could bargain for - now there is an Xplanation for the remote moodiness that tainted Padma's already bitchy demeanor.
Stay tuned...

Guest Blogger W.Motta