Tuesday, June 30, 2009

London's return!

I knew this day would come - I just didn't know when, but when 12 Pack said that Sinister's real name was Jeremy Lee, I knew London would return. It was so obvious! And once I saw his leather jacketed self, I squealed like a little schoolgirl. My BF did not enjoy that at all. He thinks London is an asshole and rightfully so. But aren't those "dangerous", punk rock guys the stuff dreams are made of? I say that from experience. My first love was a punk rock guy like London: scrawny, big mouth, bigger attitude, ego, in a band and difficult. We had our many ups and downs throughout the 2 years we dated but all in all, our relationship was fun. Fun like trashing venues, movie moments, stealing things only teenagers would steal, experiencing firsts that I won't mention and a bunch of other stuff that true love evokes. London brings all that back to me. The way he looks at Daisy is the way my ex-BF used to look at me and it makes me swoon every time. And it makes Daisy fall on her ass - which was hilarious. But, I know how Daisy feels. She's charmed by London and so am I. Guys like him are jerks, sure, but it's a love that is timeless. and aren't we all jerks at some point? It's hard to explain but I can say that I totally understand Daisy and London.


Monday, June 29, 2009

Vegan Subway Bacon Adventure!

For those of you who know me, you know that my BF is Vegan. This poses many problems when we are trying to decide what to eat and that also means that we never really eat the same things - especially when we're cooking at home (obviously). But we know, for sure, that my BF can totally eat at Subway. Score for everyone! Well...almost.
Yesterday was our first full day of no air conditioning at our house (outside temp was 95 degrees!). I cooked some things requiring the use of the oven and the house, obviously, heated up like a damn furnace so I decided for dinner, there would be no use of the oven or stove. That meant Subway sandwiches! Huzzah! Even though I usually order a hot sandwich (meatball sub or cheese steak sammy YUM!), I decided to ditch it for a nice, cool BLT. Ahhhhhh. Chilled lettuce, cheese, slightly warm bacon, tomatoes and pickles. Sweet! Usually I let my BF go first so that the meat products I get don't contaminate his sweet Vegan sandwich and the girls who we usually deal with know that but there was one fatal flaw yesterday: both of our sandwiches were made at the same time.
Everything was going fine until our sandwich tech grabbed the uncooked bacon, put it in the microwave and then TOUCHED my BF's lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers and all the other items he normally gets. He cringed but not too much. Then - the ultimate Vegan nightmare - the bacon was done, I was about to say don't worry about my sandwich just yet and giving my BF the side-eye to see if he was going to say something but neither of us did in time. Our sandwich tech had her gloved hands full of cooked bacon and was laying it on my sandwich. Then her bacony hands molested my BF's Vegan sandwich to which we both winced and my poor BF yelled out. I asked "What's wrong" in the hopes that he would explain his Veganism to get his sandwich made over again but he didn't say a thing. I paid for our bacon feast and we left.
When we got home, I got my plate out and put my sandwich on it, ready to eat. My BF went outside, checked the mail, started pulling weeds and surveyed our leaning mailbox obviously avoiding his bacon-affected sandwich. I kept telling him he could throw it away or give it away but he didn't answer. He just sat down, staring at it with the saddest frown on his face. After about 10 minutes of him picking at his chips and me mauling my sandwich (I was starved), he declared he couldn't eat it. I said, "You should have fucking said that in the first place!" He looked like I just murdered a puppy. I knew he couldn't eat it and that was the declaration I was looking for. He said he felt awful for throwing it away after I had just paid for it but we both decided that he needs to be more assertive when we go to Subway next time. I bet our sandwich tech would have gladly made him another sandwich if he had explained his situation to her but we'll never know.
Part of me wishes he took a tiny bite. You know, for hilarity's sake.


Friday, June 26, 2009

Operation: Ghost Ship

All right - with the unmentionable success of Operation: On a Boat, me and my fellow N.A.P. friends decided to take FULL advantage of Tom leaving early yesterday by making another desktop masterpiece dubbed "Operation: Ghost Ship". We weren't sure what route we were going to take it because the enthusiastic gentlemen that graced the boat last time weren't really received well by Tom. What's a girl to do??? Unicorns maybe? Nah - too "Jonathan".
So we gazed long and hard (about 30 seconds) at the other desktop scene from Tom's trip to wine country in CA and decided to have an epic pirate battle. Okay, maybe not epic but we wanted to keep with the boat theme. I originally wanted a T-Rex popping out of the water for no reason at all, right? Awesome! But I didn't feel like cutting out a T-Rex because I knew I had one back at my office. So, I thought about that jumping shark from Planet Earth and wondered if I could Google a breaching shark. Like a gift from the Gods, there it was, in all its glory! So, Larry said to put a ship somewhere in the picture. Immediately, I thought of a pirate ship. Of course! And then Larry sent me another ship to which we decided they were going to have an epic battle! But I didn't feel like Photoshopping that much stuff. So I said shark, pirate ship, ghost pirate ship and what else???? Thank the lord for Marior (aka Cupcake, from now on) because Marior said, "Hey, why don't you put a unicorn bucking on that cliff?" FUCKING GENIUS. So, I found the most retarded one (and the one that would take the least amount of work) and made it happen.
But in the early stages of me Photoshopping this masterpiece, I recieved a text from Tom that said (I kid you NOT): "Stop fucking with my computer!" I assured him we were nowhere near his computer, which fueled the masterpiece even more. The goal was to be subtle but awesome. And I think it worked out nicely.


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Paris hosts a bachelor party and is surprised some of the girls act like sloots...

I just want to get this out there since it's been bothering me since I watched the episode last night...
I was watching My New BFF last night and was barfing up my dinner most of the episode because of that nasty shot Paris made and the bachelor party hilariousness that was happening. First - let me just say that Monica's eyebrows are crazy and her little lap dance stunt was disgusting. I know the groom-to-be requested a lap dance, so he freakin' got one. So what? It was a little trashy but that's what he wanted. Sure, Monica was acting like a fool but what did you expect? Then, the groom-to-be starts asking for one final, great kiss and Arika was the first person (it seemed), to grab and make out with. Boo on Paris for making her talk the Walk of Shame and kicking her off the show. I know, I know, she kissed another woman's man and that shouldn't have happened but she recognized that it was out of character and they were told to do whatever it took to make the groom-to-be happy and have a great time. You know that guy makes out with other women when he goes out. You just know he does. Also, he probably does because he's an actor and his bride-to-be is an actress and it was all a staged plot for the show. Who knows. All I know is that Kaitlin should have gone home instead of Arika and Monica because of her little hot tub outburst. She contradicted herself so much, I lost track of the conversation. And I would really like to see Kaitin go so that they stop showing/filming her extreme closeup solo interviews. They really freak me out. I'm glad Stephen stood up and put Kaitlin in her place. Thank you Stephen! Hopefully you'll be next week's pet.

Side note: Why can't I stop watching this show???!!!? I hate it and love it at the same time.


Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Operation: On a Boat

So, we all know and love I'm On a Boat by Lonely Island, right? Yes, of course we do. I know someone else who likes boats, too. He even owns one. And he's always telling me stories about how him and his family were on Lake Burton for [insert some holiday weekend here].
Well, this friend who likes boats, likes them so much he made one his desktop - making this (awesome) one go away. So, during my media drop off adventure at N.A.P yesterday, I was in Tom's office (while he was with other clients) with Marior and Uncle Larry and we were admiring his boat background when someone (I'm NOT naming names but it WAS NOT me, I swear) said, "Hey! We should Photoshop a naked guy on the back of that boat!" AWESOME. So, I dusted off the ole Photoshopping skills and made the most awesomest boat background photo EVER (starring these guys). Granted, it was all phoned in but it still looked half way decent enough. Tom didn't know about it until this morning and apparently, it was better than Operation: Cornification! Awesome. Awesome to the max.
I feel like I should be afraid of when he's got in store for me, though. Good thing I'm not a full-time employee/client.


Farewell, "On the Fence" Guys

Cage and 6 Gauge are gone. 6 Gauge was one of the few that didn't kick himself off like some other people did (read: like most of the other guys did).
So, all my "On the Fence" guys are gone. Hooray! But - Flex is starting to work my nerves in the worst way and I'm a little tired of Chi Chi and his unrequited love for Sinister. And it's looking like Fox's little stunt is going to come back and bite him in his hair dresser ass. And I was wondering...why didn't Daisy call Fox out for claiming 6 Gauge's roses? Punk.
I don't even know who to root for anymore - besides Riki. Okay, okay, you got me. I think Sinister is tops and He could very well be in the final 2 (possibly with his BF Chi Chi). Oh well. Maybe I'll stop pining over the loss of London and catch back up with the other fellas.


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

My New BFF Season 2 - Golden Girls

I tuned in to Paris Hilton's new season of My New BFF and it was...weird. The cast of 20-somethings looked more like 40-somethings. Well, not all of them but most of them. One girl's foundation didn't even match her skin tone, making her look like a weird, bikini dancing ghost-face. It concerns me that all these young girls look all Leatherface wearing so much caked on make up.

Anyways - the "Hungry Tiger" challenge was hilarious and the "Show and Tell" challenge was even funnier but the pole dancing was only funny because it was so awkward. Most of the girls seemed to be working the pole better than Paris herself. But I'm not pole dancing critic or pro. And I felt really bad for the contestant I'm on the fence about: Stephen. I felt horrible for him when paris called him out to pole dance because you knew all those brohams would be all "Gross, dude. I don't wanna see some dude shake his ass". And when Stephen did a little side interview revealing that he heard a comment like that, I was so sad. But what I didn't understand was Stephen declared he wanted to use Paris as a vehicle for jump-starting his animal resort-thing. Isn't that why she dumped last season's winner, Brittnay? For being a hungry tiger? Whatever. I liked Brittnay. I thought she was cute and well put together and the least fake out of the first cast. Well, except for Onch. There were a lot of memorable people on season 1. Let's hope that season 2 cast members won't be as forgettable as I think they will be.
I'm not trying to be catty or anything - I was talking with my BF, who was half watching-half trying to sleep, and I kept bugging him about how old all the girls looked and he agreed that they looked much, much older than their supposed ages. And he could tell that Katie's makeup was all wrong. (You'll see when they're all in the limo...) And Paris wasn't fooling anyone as her Brooklyn alter ego Gina. Sorry! But I kinda dig Paris with black hair.
I'll try to keep up with these kids because I like the challenges that Paris has. BUT I won't abandon my girl Ashley for Paris!!! No way!!