Nate Day 2013

I know, I know - I missed last week's Wednesday Gif Party.  Actually, I have one saved in my drafts but I'm 3 gifs shy of my usual "party".  There was A LOT of stuff going on last week - including preparations for Nate Day.  Nate Day was yesterday.  Can you believe it has been 4 years already?!
Nate's sister, Alysia, arranged for us to go camping near Brasstown Bald and because I usually can't make it to Nate Day celebrations, I wanted to commit to this year.
We met up with Alysia at the Enota Mountain Retreat.  She texted me and told me "Don't let the name fool you".  I didn't know why she messaged that...until we drove up to our campsite.

Welcome to Fort Katrick!



Yep, we went for real camping.  I say "for real" because, according to the old man, backyard camping doesn't count.  But you know what?  It was great!  We went to Helen to get Alysia's dog (a bullmastiff) a collar and stayed for a funnel cake and beer.



And then we started our campfire - with the help of our awesome campsite neighbors.  I keep forgetting their names (sorry!!) but they were GREAT!  They helped chop the wood and get the fire going so I tried to repay them with all the S'mores they could handle.
I didn't stay up too late with them but I did enjoy some lively campfire conversations!  It was great!  Even greater - I had to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.  Why was that great?  Because on the way out of the tent, I looked at my surroundings - including up towards the sky - and it was BEAUTIFUL.  I don't think I can remember the last time I saw that many stars!  If it hadn't been so chilly, I would've dragged my sleeping bag out of the tent and slept under the starry sky.  It almost felt unreal!  Isn't that a shame?  So much light pollution...
Anyways - the old man and I got up at around sunrise and walked around the grounds a bit (and found bathrooms!) and when we came back to the campsite, we packed up the tent and were ready to go.



We tried to stop at Brasstown Bald but it's closed because of the government shutdown - which pissed me off because that's where they spread Nate's ashes and I wanted to have a moment of silence in his honor where his ashes were.  Oh well.  Maybe next year?  We were talking about camping again next year - which would be great because I'm hoping to be a camping pro!
The old man and I were talking about camping near the coast in Florida somewhere or going back to Asheville and camping there.  Who knew I'd enjoy it so much?!

Since I didn't get to pay proper respects to Nate, I'll light a candle for him and Tim and Justin and everyone else I miss on El Dia de Los Muertos this year.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Nate's 30th

Saturday would've been Nate's 30th birthday. So how did we celebrate? By going to his old job: the Pink Pony. I haven't been to the Pony since before Nate passed and I could never bring myself to go - until that night.



I met up with Nate's sister Alysia and friends Sarah and Robert. I have to admit that it was a little awkward at first, you know, being at the Pony with my first boyfriend ever but after a few drinks and some celebratory Jaeger shots (Nate's favourite), the night turned into something pretty awesome and quite memorable and I think Nate would have been proud!
And since I didn't get a chance to make it over to Nate's memorial Saturday, I went over on Sunday with something other than my usual flowers.



I wanted one of those larger, more obnoxious "Hey, You're 30!" balloons but nothing was really catching my fancy and there is an operating business on the corner where his memorial is so I didn't want it to be too too much. I think I succeeded though. The other one I was looking at was really girly (which would've been hilarious) but I would've had to accompany that with more girly daisies like I did a few years back.


Ugh - I can't believe it's been a few years already...I really miss you Nate. I hope you and Tim have met up and you guys are making some pretty awesome music together. XOXO

Editor's Note:
As a bonus to keep Pharrell Week going, one of my favourite dancers (that night) hit the main stage with my favourite song: N*E*R*D's "Lapdance" (of course)!  WIN!

From Nate's sister Alysia...

...(via her FB page):

The trial date is September 17th. The defense is going to try to say that Nate was a reckless driver and an irresponsible, party guy. Even if that was true would it change the fact that a 16 yr old idiot that didn't know how to drive pulled out in front of him?! Would it make Nate's life LESS valuable and therefore make that boy less culpable?! I am beyond enraged.

I knew Nate for a billion years and I'm trying to figure out what would make him an "irresponsible party guy". Was it because he just happened to be a bouncer at a strip club? Was it because he didn't get home till 4am on Sunday mornings (because that's when his shift was over at the strip club). Was it because he had a motorcycle and a car but he preferred to ride his motorcycle? Was it because he and his other bike-riding friends would take bike trips to North Georgia and even cross country? <>That sounds like a crazy, irresponsible party < / sarcasm>.

Nate was a good guy. In fact, Nate was one of the best guys I had ever had the pleasure of knowing. He was always a gentleman (to me), he was modest about his amazing bass skills and thought he wasn't all that great. Ever since I was 17, I remember telling him how great he was. Sure, we had our moments but he always took the high road - even when I was acting like a bratty teenager. (Cut me some slack, I was a teenager after all!) Even when we reconnected a few years ago, there was nothing out of the ordinary in his life. Sure, he worked at a strip club but so what! That didn't make him a criminal. Sure, he had motorcycles but that didn't make him a danger to society. Nate always took his motorcycle riding seriously. I know that for a fact because we talked in depth about one of his longer bike trips that he had just made. The guys he rode with were like brothers - they all made sure everyone was safe and having a good time. Nate was very clear on the safety part (because I made a friendly dig at his nerdy "safety first" speech).
But the above statement from Alysia hurts me. Nate wasn't a reckless driver or an irresponsible party guy. What a cheap jab. I mean, that 16 year old kid did take a life and he should get some kind of jail time for that. And I'm pretty sure that that kid had just gotten his driver's license, too. Talk about reckless driver.
I'm thankful every day that my Mom made me wait until I was 18 to drive. It makes sense now (back when I was 16, it didn't, obviously). I was more responsible when I was 18 and because I was driving my Mom's car, I was super careful about driving. God knows what would have happened if I had wrecked that thing (or run somebody over with it).
Nate was a great guy and this "party guy" defense thing is killing me. I hope I can be in court that day to show my support for Nate and his family.

Love and kisses,
Katzi
S.L.Y.A.S.D.I.

A Visit to Nate's Memorial

I had been trying to get to Nate's memorial for a few days now and I just couldn't. I would get halfway there and start crying and shaking and I'd have to turn around. I knew I had to go and do something...see where he took his last breath...see where it happened...see if maybe I could channel something. So I decided that I would visit yesterday.
On the way there I got nauseous, anxious, started crying, was happy all of a sudden, started to shake and felt dizzy. What if I didn't want to see the skid marks on the road? What if I wasn't ready to feel the energy that was there? I distracted myself with the Oldies station and kept going, stopping only to get multi - colour daisies.
Why multi - colour daisies? Because! Nate was a colourful person! I watched him evolve from super hardcore religious to Marylin Manson kid to rockabilly guy and everything else in between - including multiple colourful hairstyles. Also, I knew that if Nate had been watching me pick the flowers, he would have blushed over the colourfulness of them. They're not manly AT ALL. But they are a nice contrast to the black roses that Alysia placed there and I felt that they spoke to his vibrant personality.
I hope you like them, Nate!





I'd like to do something else for his memorial, though. Something...grand maybe? We'll see who else wants to do it with me.

Love,
Katzi
S.L.Y.A.S.D.I.

Smell Blind!

Alysia's story reminded me of this one...
Last year in around June, I went to New York to attend the Baptism of my Goddaughter and her sister. When I came back, I was sick. It seems like I always get sick when I come back from New York... Anyway, it was a 2 week long sinus infection that was pretty bad and when I got over it, I hadn't realized that I had some form of Hyposmia or possibly Anosmia . I thought that my sinuses were still blocked but no. My nasal passages were clear, I just couldn't smell a thing! Freaked out, I looked up everything I could on Anosmia and got really, really scared. The dangers were crazy! What if there was a fire? What if there was a gas leak? What if my food was burning? What if I over season my food? What if...???? All these things that I had never really thought about, I was freaking out about!
My BF thought it was funny (at times) and I came to get used to it. Then, we watched Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story and if you've seen that movie, you know that Dewey becomes smell blind! It was the most hilarious thing ever, so I started using that when I was describing my condition to my friends. After a while, I was tired of explaining that I got "smell blind" from Walk Hard because not everyone had seen it at the time, so I (sadly) dropped it.
Last year, I ran in to Nate and I ended up going over to his house after a night of partying with my friends. We started talking and he said something to the effect of "Sorry if it smells" or something like that and I said, "It's okay, I lost my sense of smell". His eyes lit up and he said, "You're smell blind?!" He had seen it! He had seen Walk Hard! He knew what I was talking about and I said, "Yes, I'm smell blind!" Then he started laughing like crazy and said, "You mean, I can fart and you can't smell it?!" and I said, "Yeah, I wouldn't be able to smell it at all" and he said, "Good because I just did and it's BAD" and we both laughed pretty hard.
I'll always remember that because Nate was the only other person (at the time) to know what I was talking about when I said I was "smell blind".

You can read this and other awesome Nate stories at Remember Nate.

Love,
Katzi
S.L.Y.A.S.D.I.

Wake Up!

A few months ago, I used to look forward to Monday mornings. I would wake up, check my phone and see at least 2 texts waiting for me. One was usually from around 5:30am and the other from around 6:15am - both saying the same message but it was written differently every time.
I would get "Wake up, sleepyhead!", "Good morning", "What's up?", "Good morning sunshine", "Hey!" or just "WAKE UP!" and that's how I would start my week.
We would text back and forth during my morning routine about random things: What we both did on the weekend, how work was for him the night before, what was on the agenda for the coming week and so on.
These conversations would continue well after I would get to work (at around 8am) and it would really impact my whole week. If I didn't get a morning text, especially during filming (the most stressful time of all for me), it would ruin my whole week!
After a while, the texts started backing off until they just weren't there anymore. I was going to start it back up again but I guess I waited too long. At least the old ones still live on my old phone...
I never got to tell you how much I appreciated that and how much it actually impacted my day. Thank you so much for that. It was a great way to start my week off right.

You can read this and other Nate stories at REMEMBER Nate as well.

Love,
Katzi
S.L.Y.A.S.D.I.

So Long and Good Night

I didn't know what to expect on Sunday evening at 6pm. I wasn't sure what I wanted to see. I know I wanted to see old friends and seek comfort in them - which I did very much so. I know I wanted to believe it wasn't real but he was right there. I was too scared and in shock to say a proper good bye right then and there but I managed to mumble a prayer before we sat down to pay our respects.
I held it together as best as I could in the presence of friends and loved ones but once I arrived at my Mom's house, I just couldn't hold back any longer. I knew it was my duty to go to the funeral service the next day.
So, on my way to see my Dad before he left I was looking for some music to ease my mind. I put in my favourite mixes but they just weren't good enough. I picked up a random CD I had made months ago and put it in, forgetting what was on it - the face was a sea of red sharpie cursive. It started okay but something compelled me to let track 4 play. I was glad I did. The melody was enough to comfort me but when I started hearing the lyrics, I got tears in my eyes.
With that song playing, I drove through the appropriate stormy weather to the funeral yesterday and got all caught up that I forgot my jacket and almost forgot my umbrella. To take my mid off of the actuality of it all, I pictured the Helena video in all its stylishness and beauty and pictured the choreography and I imagined my friends (who would be the pallbearers) walking through the rain while dancers followed them with the coffin to the hearse - a celebration of the life lived by the deceased.
But that didn't happen. The rain poured. And there we stood in it after the beautiful service.
So long and good night
Nate's sister told us, on Sunday, she wanted to get more of an investigation into his accident and it turns out that Fox 5 came to interview her after his funeral so maybe that's the first step into the on-going investigation. We'll see.
May you rest in peace, my friend.

Love,
Katzi
S.L.Y.A.S.D.I.

At a loss for words

I can't get myself to write this on his wall: "To me, you were always a big guy with an even bigger heart. I'll miss you".
I refuse to believe that he's gone. I was going to surprise him at his job tomorrow as a post-birthday outing with my friends... I guess some things weren't meant to happen.
The news hasn't released his name as the fatality of the accident so there's some hope it's not him, right?
I can't do this.
He was supposed to take me for a motorcycle ride - my very first one. Ever.
We've been friends since 1995 - I've seen him evolve over time. I was even subjected to his damn Rockabilly phase - which happened right after his damn Marilyn Manson phase...
When a mutual friend sent me the news link, I cried. Hard. I'm at work. I can barely function right now. I'm a total wreck.
And I don't care that it's my birthday. I just don't want to believe it's true.
I can't bring myself to admit it. I just want to make sure. I've been watching the news clips over and over just to make it more real but it won't hit me until they release his name. I refuse to believe he was the 27 year old motorcyclist (even though I know full well that he lives in that area...).
If he really is gone, he can hear me. He can hear the sadness and disbelief we're all going through. I want some sort of sign. Something that just he and I will know - some sort of inside joke from high school or something...Something to let me know

Rest In Peace, Nate
Love,
Katzi
S.L.Y.A.S.D.I.