2014 Resolution: Unlock the Spanish part of my brain

If there's one thing I learned while my grandma and aunts were in town for Thanksgiving, it's that I HAVE to learn Spanish (again).  I say "again" because here's a fun fact: Spanish was my first language.  That's right - I used to speak Spanish fluently and now, it's like a fleeting memory.  I can understand what people are saying and I might not pick up every word, but I still understand the gist of what is being said but I can't ever have a conversation.  Why?  I get too in my head about it.  I told one of my aunts that it's like when you're a kid and you have this really neat / fun talent and you're at a party with your parents and your parents ask you to show your neat / fun talent and you get all embarrassed and you shut down.  I've seen kids do it and I know I've done that and the same thing happens now when my Mom demands that I speak Spanish.  It's never in an authoritative way but I still have a tendency to shut down because I've been put on the spot: the sentence forms in my brain, I think too much about the verb tenses and male and female whatevers and try to get my brain to get my mouth to say it but my brain is like "I'm afraid they're going to laugh / correct you so hard / get irritated if I'm wrong, so let's just say it in English because you definitely know that" and then it comes out in English and I get semi-scolded for not even trying.  There's a whole process that happens within a split second and it gets scary.
The scariest part is that I know it's there.  I know it is but I don't know how to unlock it.  Oni told me how she unlocked it for herself - because that was her first language, too - and I've kind of explored those methods but none of them really work but I think it's because I kinda don't want them to?  I don't know.  There's a lot of pressure there but I think I know how I'm going to do it because I've already made a declaration for 2014:


I had to throw subtitulos in there because that's my current favorite Spanish word right now.

So, I'm going to hijack all my Mom's issues of Latina Magazine (since they have the articles in side-by-side English and Spanish), I'm going to *TRY* and watch the Spanish news.  I say "try" because I don't even watch the English news...and I'm going to give Notes In Spanish a try.  I think I'll also try and in keep in contact with my my aunt in New York and talk to her in Spanish.  She and I have always been close and I think this will be a fun way to stay in touch.

Has anyone else kickstarted their 2014 resolutions?  What are yours?

Rebeling for the sake of my lost youth spent in the background

Okay - call me a hypocrite.  I don't care.

In 2009, I wrote a little blurb about Cassie and her undercut.



I had some very Mom things to say about it too - including such greatest hits as:
*Comb-overs are awesome?
*It's going to take FOREVER to grow back
*It's not going to grow back pretty

Well, guess who was going through an existential crisis last Friday and decided she would "cut the crazy out" of her hair?

THIS BITCH RIGHT HERE
 
Yeah.  And what?   I ain't even mad.

Honestly, I had a little one inch piece already shaved in and Malcom (the stylist at Toni and Guy) said, "If you're going to have an undercut, you need to go all the way.  Are you ready to go all the way?"  Um...hell yes.  Why not?!  I can't dye my hair until all the damaged parts are cut out (Thanks PA...) so cutting my hair is the next thing.  Besides, I always seem to cut my hair when I'm suffering so I guess you can say that I'm suffering pretty hard since I had to shave half of it off...true story.

Apparently Hayley Williams had the same idea:

photo source 
Does that make us besties?  Yes, yes it does...LOLZ.  Hayley, you rock!

I guess you can say that I'm trying to catch up to my younger days.  Do I smell a mid-life crisis coming on?  Maybe.  But I feel like I was such a fucking square when I was younger - this realization has become very clear to me now on more than one occasion - and I think I'm trying to rebel.  To a certain degree, that is.  It's just hair.  It grows back.  Just like the pink hair, this will pass.  I don't want to call it a phase but whatever it is, it's temporary.  And I'm pretty sure the pink hair will return, just maybe not so all-over.  I can't take that much maintenance.  And because mortality has been on my mind since I decided to make this trip, I feel like my motto will now be: You only live once. I've also been living by No Regrets since my Mom and I had an in depth conversation about that a few years back...I guess I'm a late bloomer but you know what?  I'm embracing it.

Katzi
S.L.Y.A.S.D.I.