Friday, August 3, 2012

Project Runway: Welcome Back (or not) to the Runway - The Recap

For one night only: KENLEY COLLINS WAS BACK BITCHES!  Our *fave* runway loudmouth was back to be a client for the infamous Team Challenge.  I was kinda hoping Gunnar would draw her, you know, for the extra craziness in the workroom but Ven and Fabio drew her instead.
OH!  Let's talk about the teams...
Ven and Fabio drew Mizz Collins
Melissa and Dmitry (how appropriate) drew April
Sonjia and Nathan drew the lovely Valerie
Gunnar and Kooan got stuck with Mean-a Irina
Christopher and Andrea got stuck with Anya (she's baaaack)
Alicia and Raul had to endure Mila
Aaaaaand Buffi and Elena had to catastrophically deal with Laura

Oh Elena...Oh Andrea...Oh Irina...Oh the DRAMA.  First of all let me just say that Irina was the reason I stopped watching Project Runway for a spell.  That's right.  I dealt with horrible Gretchen AND horrible Anya but I could NOT endure Irina.  And I almost threw my remote at the TV many a time because of her.  Luckily Gunnar is a master bitch wrangler and he wrangled that little whiner into some sort of submission - but we can get to that a li'l later.  Let's talk about my fave European girls.

Elena and Buffi were quite the pair last night.  And if Buffi said "babe" one more time, I would've strangled her.  If we were live-blogging that would've been a drinking game.  We learned that Elena is a strong, independent woman from Ukraine and she's got no time for crybabies but we also learned that Buffi hates conflict and that she makes her words sound really lazy.  Anyways - I thought Elena was going to storm out of there because Buffi spent too long on some pleats but she stayed, Elena got over herself and they created this for their client Laura

It's not terrible. I think they should be proud of themselves for working that out. Nice job ladies.  Hopefully Elena will calm down a bit and realize what kind of show she's on because the fact that she keeps talking about the lack of time for these projects is ridiculous.  Girl, you know what you signed up for.

I had MAJOR hair envy with April.  Ugh.  Her hair colour was a DREAM.  Too bad it didn't compliment the pretty colour of her dress.  Melissa and Dmitry worked it out very nicely and they didn't take the Michael C approach to silk charmeuse: drape, drape and more drape.  I thought they would (because I wrote it down lol).  Instead, they made this pretty number.

So pretty! BUT - I think they could've cut the sleeves up a little higher because I felt like that material was swallowing her and washing her out A LOT.  She looked totally fierce though!  WERK.

Raul and Alicia were doomed with Mila.  I say that because while the judges were all "Mila's so chic and cool and hip" and all that, she's really kinda boring.  Her look is so severe and so basic that she might as well have been paired with Dmitry and Melissa instead.  But then we would've had yet ANOTHER all black errything look from Melissa.  But I guess Mila just really looks good in black and red so Raul dug deep into his vampy bangs and got Alicia to abandon her drop crotch for a dress.

Not terrible but not great either.  I like Raul but come on, the side pony with extensions?  Really?  Have you seen Project Runway before?  Did you watch Mila's season at all?  Maybe he tried to punish her with a side pony because her wacky bangs didn't lend themselves to vamp styling.  Sorry Raul.  And sorry Alicia.  You guys totally should've stuck to your menswear guns (sans drop crotch). But someone had to go and so Raul packed his goth kit and left.  Sorry buddy.  I'm sure you'll be back soon (they always come back)

Speaking of - GUNNAR FREAKING DEATHERAGE and Kawaii Kooan got stuck with the awful pleasure of dealing with the always irritating Irina.  I don't know much about her except that she's a terrible person.  So terrible that I abandoned Project Runway.  Yes, she's that awful.  Poor Gunnar had to shut her down quite a few times and poor Kooan almost had a nervous breakdown from all of Irina's terribleness and the fact that he had to make something serious.  Come on Kooan, you knew it was coming!  Breakdowns and bitches aside, they turned this out.

Not gonna lie, I totally wrote down "Mondo's cocktail dress". Don't remember? Here you go

I know, I know - it's not the same but it did remind me of it. I'm not hating!  In fact, I love it!  The only reason I didn't want this look to win was because that would've meant that Irina would've gone to the Emmys and I did NOT want that.  This look was killer.  Too bad the client was not deserving.  I liked how Gunnar was serving Irina when she was yelling at poor Kooan!  I mean, did she feel like she was entitled to be an even bigger bitch than normal because she has gone through the process before?  Yuck.  Not cute.

Surprisingly Anya didn't irritate me like she normally does because she didn't have much to say.  Andrea, on the other hand, had A LOT to say and poor Christopher had a meltodwn - Katzi-style.  Andrea was shuffling around the workroom in her grandma ways and she kept laughing every time she made a mistake and every time they cut to Christopher, he had this look.  You know the one where you're suppressing your rage deep down inside because you don't want to lose it completely.  And on TV at that!  I've had many a moment like that (just not on TV of course) and I felt his pain.  I felt his pain so much that I felt terrible for him - especially when Andrea totally LIED on the runway about how she didn't say she didn't care if she left and Christopher called her out on it.  Twitter was all "Christopher threw her under the bus" but let me tell you something: he didn't throw her under zee bus, Andrea deserved to be called out on that because she fucking said that shit and she needed to own it.  I don't particularly enjoy when folks are all "I don't really care if I'm here blah blah blah" because plenty of other more deserving folks got rejected because of you being cast.  Thanks a lot Producers of PR, Andrea is going to give me a coronary.

Seriously tho - Raul should've stayed and Andrea should've gotten the boot.  She's a freaking teacher!  I'm sure her students were watching like "Wow, Ms. Katz doesn't even know how to do the stuff she's supposed to be teaching us.  I'm transferring teachers next semester".  But in the preview for next week's episode, it looks like she'll be taking herself out of the competition.  We'll see...

My little pixie angel Valerie was back and paired up with Sonjia and Nathan.  While I love Sonjia's style and what she did with those candy sharks (yeah, I caught up) I don't know much about Nathan. So while they flew under the drama radar, they turned out this gorgeous look for darling Val.

My notes say "Val looks like an awards statue." "The hair!" "The boobs!"  "LOOOOOVE!!!"  Yes, I loved this look maybe a little too much but dammit, she looked GOOD.  But sadly, this wasn't in the top 2.  *Sad Panda*

So.  Who won?  There are only two names left and my girl Kenley got the win, y'all.  Ven and Fabio won.  How?  I have no idea.  Sonjia called the dress a church dress and she is totally right.  I thought for sure Kenley was going to request polka dots and a Peter Pan collar but she let the designers do their thing.

Yes, she looks good (even though that nude lip isn't working for me) but dammit Ven! What's your obsession with your "technique"? It looks like flowers - I get that - but that's the THIRD look you've made that looks like a fucking flower. I also wrote down "Reminds me of Leanne Marshall's 'work'". Remember Leanne? Yeah, I remember her and her damn water ripples or whatevs and that shit pissed me off too. I get it, you can do all these kooky things with fabric. Hooray. Great job and all that BUT could you try to do something a little different? Fabio did something different, you know, like work with you Ven so could you get over yourself and your Kiss from a rose technique for, like, two seconds please?!  And I like how Ven's giant ego feels the need to announce that he deserves to go to the Emmys because that's his technique that he has perfected.  Ugh.  Fabio should've gone for just putting up with you.  I hope this doesn't turn into a Gretchen situation but I think it might be.  Something tells me it's coming.  Come on Ven!  Get it together!

Next week, Andrea jumps ship and it looks like meltdowns all around for the PR crew!  Huzzah!  I hope to have someplace for our live-blogging antics because with as much as I love taking notes, I'd rather shit-talk live with my friends!